My shoes thanked me politely for the great question and then tried to walk me off a bridge. That was how I knew that their pivot to AI was complete. From Allbirds to AIlbirds (see, that L is an I!). Maybe I've cracked, I said to myself. Maybe this is the piece of AI news that has finally broken my spirit for good. My cereal had also pivoted to AI (cereAI), which I could tell because of subtle changes in the recipe, such as the nuts now being the hard, metal kind. It was difficult to enjoy, but I did my best. My alphabet soup had become AI; all of the liquid in it had been redirected to help with processing, and every time I tried to spell Mississippi, the dry noodles gave me a different result. I put on my glasses to read my children a book. The glasses company was pivoting to AI, so when I looked through them, I saw only things that weren't there and, for some reason, Tilly Norwood. The storybooks had all pivoted to AI too. We read Goldilocks and the 4.5 Bears. ('You're absolutely...
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