Fans of the Melania Cinematic Universe may wonder what has happened to the protagonist of Melania (the memoir) and Melania (the creator of the Cursed Red White House Christmas Forest) since her last foray into entertainment. Bad news! The first lady is trapped in an invisible bubble from which she will never be able to escape as long as she lives, and she hasn't even noticed. What I am trying to say is that Melania is a horror movie. And a horror movie of this magnitude (no gore, but a pervasive sense of dread) deserves to be seen on the big screen, where you can also feel the bonus dread of knowing that the money you spent on your ticket will be funneled to Amazon, which might put it toward a seat at the inaugural high table for Mr. Jeff Bezos and Ms. Lauren Sanchez Bezos. (You can glimpse them both, gabbing with Donald Trump and Elon Musk at a preinauguration candlelight dinner in one of the film's most effective jump scares!) When I saw it in theaters today in Washington, D.C., I...
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